I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
