Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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