My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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