It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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