Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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