Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
please come you make the beer taste better
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
