so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize