We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
