All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
