Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
