"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
