It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
