Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
