so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
