I'm jealous of your bromance
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
