i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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