2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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