Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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