I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As shirtless as possible
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
