It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
