Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
