The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
