That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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