I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
