I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
