i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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