but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
