As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
