He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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