Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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