you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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