She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
did you just send me my own nude
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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