u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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