Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
