Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
