So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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