Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
