cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
