at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
