As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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