if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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