you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
3 2 1 whiskey
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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