Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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