now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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