Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And then he peed in my hair
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