the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
