upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
