i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
