I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
