You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
