you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
