My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize