just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
3pm strippers are depressing
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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