He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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