I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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