so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
