It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
