I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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