he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
