that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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