Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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