I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
